Fathers and Daughters Build Trust Through Quality Interaction

Chapter Synopses

 

 


Our book helps fathers and daughters break down any barriers to a better relationship. The following is the chapter synopses:


About This Book
Describes what the book is about, why we wrote it as we did and what the reader can expect to achieve from reading the book.

Part I: Especially for Dad

Introduction
Discusses why being a dad is important and addresses the social problems that have caused a "Fatherless America." also discussed is our family environment --raising two stepsons and a natural daughter, as well as the darker side of fatherhood that was a key motivator for me to be a good dad. The chapter also covers how I struggled to define what was a "good dad" for my kids and lays the foundation for the rest of the book.


First, a Message from Jennifer
In this chapter, Jennifer describes for dads, how daughters really feel about their dads and how they want to be treated. It was written to motivate the father to take the topic of becoming best friends with his daughter seriously, as well as to show him that it’s doable.

Macho Macho Man
This chapter is about my background, how it shaped me as an adult and influenced how I initially communicated with my daughter. It is intended to allow a typical father to relate to me and shows that I understand his challenges concerning providing for his family and being there for his daughter when she needs him.


The Things Dads Do for Their Daughters
These are amusing anecdotes about embarrassing things that I did in relation to my daughter. The chapter is written to help fathers realize just how wrapped around our daughter's little finger we really are without even knowing it. It also includes a story of how I knew that I was becoming my daughter's best friend. The purpose of this chapter is for fathers to relate to the stories and realize they have more of a bond with their daughters than they realize.

How to be Your Daughter’s Best Friend
This chapter defines what being your daughter's best friend means and explains how you need to maintain the integrity of the relationship. It covers why it is not a friendship based upon equality, but rather is a friendship that is required to help your daughter grow into a well-adjusted young adult.


That's One Small Step for a Man…Getting Started
Here you will take a candid look at what makes you "tick." It covers the five steps necessary to define a "new" you and provides scenarios as to how you, as a dad may typically react to a situation with your daughter. It then provides alternative ways to act that will produce a better outcome. Exercises are provided which allow you to determine your values and convictions, as well as your trigger points and hot buttons. Also provided is a list of things you should never say to your daughter. Additional topics covered include how to set guidelines as opposed to making rules and how to modify and use your work behavior so that you can communicate more effectively with your daughter.


Getting to Know You, Getting to Know All About You
This chapter is the "heart" of the book and provides specific ways to improve communications between you and your daughter. It stresses how to get to know "yourself" first and explains how that impacts how you communicate with your daughter. The problem-solving section provides techniques for working with your daughter to help her learn how to solve simple, complex and emotionally charged problems.


Spending Quality Time With Your Daughter
Spending quality time with your daughter is more than just taking her to a movie. This chapter explains how to choose activities that allow you to interact with your daughter while positively developing your relationship.


Great Expectations – How to Support Your Daughter
Covered topics include school, grades, clubs and activities, as well as how to encourage your daughter to follow her dreams. Here, it is emphasized how to help your daughter with her confidence level, show her how to think for herself, set realistic expectations and how to ensure that she understands her strengths and where she needs to improve.


How to Teach Boys to Treat Girls Equally – Even if They Are Different
A candid discussion on how fathers need to exhibit the type of behavior that encourages boys to respect girls as equals. Additionally, this chapter discusses how to not only treat your children equally regardless of their sex, but also how to hold them equally accountable to reinforce the equality.
 


How to Treat Your Daughter’s Boyfriends
This chapter explains how to treat your daughter's boyfriends so she is comfortable in bringing them home as opposed to her feeling compelled to sneak off to meet them behind your back.


Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
These difficult topics are candidly discussed and include case studies to show how you can effectively communicate with your daughter when your relationship is being tested.


What to do if Your Daughter Feels That She’s Gay
Discusses the challenges that parents, and their gay teen may experience. Additionally, researched facts concerning what gay teens are facing today and how parents can support their child is covered.


How to Act in Public and Live to Tell About It
Discussed is how not to inadvertently embarrass your daughter in public especially in front of a guy that she likes. Guidelines are provided for this "easier said than done" topic!


What to Do if Your Daughter Disobeys a Direct Order
This chapter demonstrates how you can help your daughter to realize the ramifications of her actions and to learn a lesson that makes sense to her. Essentially, it explains how to help your daughter see the correlation between trust and freedom. Additionally, we cover what to do if the disobedience continues.


Conclusion - Baptism by Fire! Jennifer’s Moment of Truth
The conclusion to this section describes how my daughter was confronted with a difficult situation in her senior year of high school in which she had to solve an issue on her own using the principles in our book. It describes how the school recognized her behavior and she received an "outstanding student of the year" award and was publicly recognized.



Part II: Especially for Daughters
My teenage daughter, Jennifer, wrote this section for teenage girls about what they can do to improve their relationship with their fathers so as to help achieve a "best friend" status.


First, a Message from Jennifer’s Dad
This chapter has a similar purpose to the one Jennifer wrote to introduce the father's section. It describes why dads act the way they do and what as daughters they can do to better communicate with their fathers. It also asks them to take a candid look at the behavior that they exhibit towards their dads. It concludes by showing that freedom and trust are earned through honesty and consistent behavior; and that to become best friends requires mutual respect and trust.


Daddy's Little Girl
Describes Jennifer's background and events in her life that proved challenging from being shy to her rocky relationship with her first real boyfriend. It was written to allow teenage girls to relate to her.


How to be Taken Seriously as a Teenager
This covers what a teenage girl can do to earn her father's trust and how to demonstrate that she can think for herself--both of which will earn her the freedom that she desires. Jennifer includes a case study of a problem that she had to solve and how she did it in a step-by-step manner. A problem-solving model is provided that describes how to include dad in the process without him taking over and telling her what to do.


Things Not to Say and What to Say Instead
In this chapter, Jennifer discusses the importance of giving and earning respect. A list of things not to say and suggestions of what to say instead are provided. The chapter concludes with an exercise that is designed to help teenage girls determine both the top hurtful things that can impact their relationship with their father; and better alternatives.


How to Handle Difficult Topics -- A Word About Sex and Drugs
The difficulties surrounding these emotionally charged topics are openly discussed. Additionally, the chapter stresses the importance of a daughter being able to talk openly with her father without fear. Also, the importance of being your own person; considering the consequences of your actions; and being able to discuss things before you act is reinforced.

Conclusion
In this chapter, Jennifer stresses that having a good relationship between father and daughter is not easy and that both parties have to want it. The teen readers are encouraged to spend time together with their fathers and to enjoy that time together because it passes so quickly. Finally, the workshop activities that follow in Part 3 are discussed to encourage and help fathers and daughters to get started.

Epilogue
Describes what occurred when my daughter left for college and how our best friend relationship began to transition into an adult relationship.

Part III: Workshop Section
Workshop Activities
Why This Approach Will Work for You
Part One -- Individual Preparation
Dad's Workshop
Daughter's Workshop
Part Two -- Joint Workshop
Kick off Meeting
Reviewing independent exercises
14 activities to help you to become best friends


Appendices
Appendix A
Sample Workshop Answers to Help Stop You from Procrastinating!

Appendix B
Example for How to Establish a "No-Embarrassment Zone."
This provides the father and daughter an example that is associated with one of the workshop activities. It demonstrates how to establish an environment that fosters good communications and provides a solid foundation based upon mutual respect for their problem solving sessions.

Appendix C -- Quotable Father Quotes
This is a combination of both inspirational and humorous quotes by famous Americans.

Appendix D – Father-Oriented Web Site Links
Web sites offering information and support to fathers are provided to help readers quickly find information on the Internet without having to search for quality web sites.


About the Authors
A short biography for each of the authors.


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