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Why
Both Dads and Daughters Will Benefit From This Book
Realizing the Power
of Love
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What made you decide to write a book for dads and daughters?
A grassroots effort has begun in America to try and recreate the role
of the father and to promote responsible fatherhood. The social science
data strongly suggests that our fatherless society is having a critical
impact on our personal and public lives. Additionally, teens want a
better relationship with their parent and want to be friends. Many good
dads that we know have good intentions and want to know what they can
do to improve their relationship with their kids. This is especially
true for father-daughter relationships. Needless to say, the role of
the father is important and the role of the dad is even more critical.
Jennifer and I worked hard to achieve our “best friend’ status and
writing "Realizing the Power of Love" was our way of helping dads and
daughters to benefit from our success. It was our way of giving
something back for all the blessings we have received.
2. What makes “Realizing the Power of Love” different and unique?
"Realizing the Power of Love" is different and unique in that it is the
first self-help book co-authored by a dad and teenage daughter. It
compliments other books about dads-daughters that offer advice or
information on how to improve parenting skills. Our book focuses on
improving communications and problem solving. It is a practical book
based upon real-world professional, and personal experiences instead of
theory. It also contains optional activities to help dads and daughters
to begin their journey of becoming best friends.
3. Today, dads and daughters are busier than ever. Do you really
expect them to do the optional activities in "Realizing the Power of
Love?"
"Realizing the Power of Love" was written with busy schedules in mind.
Both Jennifer and I have extremely busy schedules, and we were not only
able to accomplish becoming best friends, but also were able to write
our book. In fact, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was a
workaholic. Many times, people who say they are too busy are just
procrastinating as they are not sure what to do or how to get started -
even if they are well intentioned. The activities in "Realizing the
Power of Love" will help dads and daughters to overcome these
obstacles, and the book actually shows them how to enjoy the journey to
an improved relationship.
4. What is the primary message of "Realizing the Power of Love?"
The primary message of "Realizing the Power of Love" is that mutual
trust is the foundation to developing a father-daughter “best friend”
status. Essentially, the amount of trust that is received is in
proportion to the amount of freedom and independence earned. This is a
win-win scenario. Trust provides fathers with greater peace of mind
concerning their daughter, while daughters can achieve and enjoy more
freedom and the independence to live their own lives. Our book helps
dads and daughters to define what trust really means to them and helps
them to work together to develop that trust into a “best friend” status.
5. How are you qualified to write the book?
V. Michael Santoro has raised three children – two stepsons and a
daughter. Additionally, he has over 10 years of experience working with
teenagers as a professional educator. His educational background
includes a Masters degree and post-graduate work in Education. He is
also certified in Training and Development and has over 18 years of
industry experience in the fields of Training, Management, Marketing
and Communications.
Jennifer Susan Santoro recently graduated from high school and is
currently enrolled at Florida State University. Her high school
achievements include being inducted into the National Honor Society;
elected Treasurer of her class, and has received several other awards.
She was also inducted into the Thespian Society for her accomplishments
in dance and choreography.
6. How would you describe the book?
The book is structured as a step-by-step quick reference guide with
real-world case studies. Realizing the Power of Love contains practical
information that can be immediately applied. If dads and daughters want
to spend quality time together, then this book can help them to quickly
get started, as well as showing them how to expand their quality time
if they so desire.
The book is divided into three parts: Part One is for dads; Part Two is
for the teenage daughters; and Part Three is the optional activities
that are designed to build upon Parts One and Two.
The book is based upon real-world professional, and personal experiences instead of theory and provides the following:
Fathers are shown how to successfully use their
work-related communication and problem solving skills, to become better
dads for their teenage daughters.
Daughters are shown how to earn more freedom and
independence by learning how to better communicate with their fathers,
while demonstrating that they can maturely work with their dads to help
solve their problems.
Together they can complete optional step-by-step fun
activities that will assist them in breaking down any barriers to a
better relationship. They will also learn how to continue the process
of building trust; that will ultimately help them to develop a true
friendship while enjoying the journey.
7. How did both of you learn to communicate with each other?
I
made a conscious effort to talk to Jennifer as an adult, while keeping
in mind that she was still a kid. I started this early in her life. We
had an agreement that she could always come and talk to me regardless
of topic, and she would not be judged. I also encouraged her to be part
of the decision making process in subjects that were important to her.
It was also stressed that mistakes were okay if she learned from them
and did not repeat them. We actually followed the processes that we
documented in our book, Realizing the Power of Love.
8. Was there ever a time that you didn’t agree and how did you handle it?
Yes, on several occasions, we did not agree on subjects that were
important to Jennifer. The way we handled it was to ensure that we
discussed the problems and possible outcomes. Jennifer knew that our
discussions were to help her problem solve, as opposed to control her
life. When she discussed a topic, I asked questions to ensure that I
understood the issue, as well as her potential options. We set
guidelines that if she could not answer my questions, then she would do
additional ‘homework’ on the topic.
We would then have further discussions until she discovered the best
outcome. Another guideline was that no decision would be made in an
emotional frame of mind. Once all the facts, options and questions were
answered, then Jennifer would make her own decisions. This process
greatly reduced the amount of times that we disagreed. If she complied
with the above, then she was allowed to make her own decisions. If
things did not turn out as expected for her, she knew she could come
back and talk to me about it without me being judgmental. Essentially,
she never had to dread hearing, “I told you so.”
9. What was the most difficult situation that truly tested your relationship?
It was her reltionship with her first “real” boyfriend. I did not feel
that they were right for each other and Jennifer was not ready to deal
with it. As such, our communications became strained. Rather than
pulling rank, I monitored the relationship as it went its course and
tried to get to know him better. I was upfront with Jen and had candid
conversations with her that was more to guide than to control her.
After the relationship ended, we had open discussions about it to see
what she had learned and what she would do differently. Then I thanked
her for the additional gray hair! :-) By the way, her second and
probably last serious boyfriend is terrific, even by my standards, so
the myth about fathers - that no one is good enough for my daughter –
is really not true.
10. How did you develop a trust between each other?
The first thing we did was to have a discussion about what trust meant
to each of us, and what each of us wanted to gain from that trust.
While I wanted peace of mind and knowing that she would think before
acting, Jennifer wanted to have a major say in decisions that affected
her life, and more freedom. She also wanted to feel that she could come
to me when she needed to without fearing my reaction. Once we
understood what we each wanted, we agreed on guidelines of how we would
communicate. This allowed for flexibility that proved better than me
making rigid rules for her to follow. By striving and achieving
consistent behavior within the guise of the agreed upon guidelines, we
developed a lasting trust. It also helped us to achieve what was
individually important to each of us. How we accomplished this is
covered in our book, “Realizing the Power of Love.”
11. As a young adult, how has your relationship with your dad benefited or hindered you?
I do in fact believe that my relationship with my dad has benefited me
as a young adult. I am able to talk openly and honestly with him, and I
know that I can always go to him for advice. Our relationship has
helped me to learn how to think before I made decisions and not to act
too impulsively. I also don't have the stresses of worrying about my
relationship with him.
12. As you become older Jennifer, would you say your relationship is stronger or weaker with your dad?
I think that my relationship with my dad is just like my relationships
that I have with my best friends - it's constantly growing. So, yes I
would have to say that the relationship has grown stronger with each
conversation, each obstacle, and each experience we share together. Our
relationship has in fact changed from the time when I was a high school
teenager to now when I am college student. It has grown more into an
adult friendship and I wouldn't change it at all.
13. When your daughter developed relationships with her boyfriends, how did you feel about the “competition?”
I was not as concerned about the competition for time as I was for
Jennifer dating boyfriends that would respect her. Since Jennifer and I
had achieved our best friend status by the time she was old enough to
date, we openly discussed this, as well as other sensitive topics. It
was important to me that Jennifer felt comfortable with discussing her
social life with me, and inviting her boy friends home to meet her
parents. This topic is discussed in detail in "Realizing the Power of
Love."
14. How did you feel about “letting go” when she left for college?”
I have to admit that I felt a sudden emptiness that comes when you
realize that your child has grown up from that little girl with the
ringlets and big blue eyes, to a fully capable young lady that was
leaving the nest. Although logically I knew we would always be close, I
was sad to realize that a chapter was now closing. That I would be
relinquishing my remaining control and would now have to really "let
go!" However, I felt she is an exceptional person, and that she would
do just fine with her life. I also took comfort in knowing that she
knew that I would always be there for her when she needed me. The good
news is that she still talks to me when she has to make decisions or
just wants to share some news – or if she suddenly needs some minor
financial assistance. :-)
15. Did Jennifer’s relationship with her mother compliment or compete with your father-daughter relationship?
Jennifer’s relationship with her mother definitely complimented our
father-daughter relationship. She felt comfortable talking to either,
or both of us about things that were important to her. With major
issues, we discussed them as a family. No matter whom she chose to talk
to, her confidentiality was always respected.
She was also encouraged to communicate with others, if she felt a topic
was too personal to confide in her parents. By others, we mean, a close
friend, teacher, school psychologist, our pastor or anyone that she
trusted. We stressed that she should never feel that she had to face
things alone or solve problems by herself.
Our book, "Realizing the Power of Love"
retails for $19.95.
However, Jennifer and I are offering a special discount. Order
today and you will receive our book in digital format (PDF) for only $6.97. Click
here for more information on our special order
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